Heavy is the Head
by ZuzuPetalsInkBlot
Summary: A simple one-shot taking place after "Choose Your Pain" but obviously before "Lethe".


Heavy is the Head

By Zuzu Petal

 **(AN: a simple one shot, I started shipping these two the moment I clapped eyes on them. Most likely won't happen but then again my ships never set sail lol Enjoy!)**

It had been one week since the incident and it wasn't the recollection of being captured by Klingons that weighed heavily on Captain Gabriel Lorca's mind. No, it was another matter entirely.

It was something he had vowed he would never do both literally and figuratively. Of course every captain, male or female human or otherwise, would come across such an incident in their career as he had. The good captain had flirted gratuitously throughout his career for he saw no harm in that. The closest he had come to giving into the forbidden fruit, as it were, was his late chief of security.

But it had taken a lifetime and a career for him to meet the right person that made him no longer tiptoe the proverbial line. Instead, he had willingly let go of his lifejacket and plunged into the murky depths of fraternizing with a subordinate.

 _She's hardly subordinate to anyone,_ he had mused thoughtfully to himself.

Gabriel was not entirely blind, he had taken notice of her striking appearance. He had seen her photograph on file but a simple photograph doesn't truly capture the life of a person. The way she had held herself proudly, even in her own silent defeat and exile was something to be admired. The way she wasn't afraid of him, albeit she was cautious.

Gabriel Lorca had never fashioned himself as any kind of knight in shining armour. He was a soldier before anything else. He had been like her once. Idealistic and proud to be serving an institution like Starfleet and representing that beautiful foundation that was the United Federation of Planets.

But that was when he was a younger man. Hardly seasoned, thinking he knew so much about the world. But knowing everything about the world cannot prepare you for what the endless cosmos had to offer.

The lessons learned, countless trials and errors. It had all shaped him into the man he was today. He was not without his vanities though.

Captain Lorca found her attractive, certainly too young for him. But beautiful in the way she carried herself with dignity even now. She was slowly coming out of her shell he had noticed. He had given her freedom again though he expected nothing in return except the service he knew she could provide. He appreciated her brilliance, her tact and her passion.

Those were some of the reasons he chose her. But it went far deeper down the rabbit hole than that. He saw himself in her eyes. The guilt and the weight of moments leading up to the final calamity that sealed both of their fates. He could still hear their screams at night and in a strange way the memories of his dying crew kept him alive. He knew she felt the same way.

The sleepless nights could be dealt with, however Gabriel knew the moment he stopped hearing those terrible screams would be the moment he knew he had lost himself forever.

He found himself wanting to silence her own ghosts before even his own and he had never felt that instinct before.

It had all started innocently enough. When they first met, he had intentionally invaded her personal space but it had lasted only seconds, if that. And it had simply been a test. A simple intimidation tactic, though she had moved she stood her ground and he admired that as he admired so many things about her.

But as time wore on he found his hands itching to touch her. A simple speck of lint on her shoulder, the occasional eyelash on her cheekbone, sweat at the nape of her neck...

It was more than ghosts Captain Lorca wanted to slay for her, it was she herself he found himself aching to conquer. But he had never given in to seducing a crewman before.

Starfleet Academy had been a different story, everyone was sleeping with everyone in those days.

But this was different and he couldn't entirely gauge if she, to be honest, even had a sexuality.

Lorca deduced that growing up on Vulcan would've made dating rather difficult for Michael Burnham. The dating pool was certainly limited, though he knew her adoptive father had married a human. So it was not entirely impossible that a Vulcan male would've found Michael to be an attractive mate.

But it was the way she presented herself differently from the other female crewmen that made her stand out, and honestly, made her more appealing to him.

Michael was feminine but she didn't let that be her singular source of power. She drew on other elements of herself. She was naturally beautiful but he had never seen her use her sex as a tool. In essence, she seemed almost genderless. Flipping from one gender to the other almost at will. The assertive stereotype of a male but the gentle and compassionate nature of a female.

Gabriel often found himself getting lost in the wonder in her eyes as she spoke, spouting Starfleet jargon like she was reading a nutritional manual. It all came so easily to her. He saw what Captain Georgiou had seen in Michael. He understood why his old colleague had taken such an interest in her.

However, as much as Gabriel admired her and found himself being pulled into the orbit of Michael Burnham, he refused to give in to the impulse that nagged at him like an itch he couldn't scratch.

That was... until last week.

Two months and two days... that's how long Michael Burnham had been on board the U.S.S Discovery. She had requested an audience with him in his ready room and as the whole ship was busy trying to find a suitable replacement for the lack of a Tardigrade he had some free time between drills.

Gabriel told himself again and again, "HANDS OFF". But the urge had never been stronger.

Michael seemed excited though it was subdued. She entered his ready room bright and yet aloof at the same time. She rounded his standing desk to show him she and Stamets' most recent tests. She was ardent in finding a new way for Discovery to jump.

And as she spoke, standing near to him, no longer cautious but engaging, he barely heard a word she said. Her lips moved but the words were lost on him. The way her eyes met his, unafraid. The way the corner of her mouth twitched into a smile at the astounding results of the work she had been doing.

Then there was silence.

"Captain?" Michael had asked when he had said nothing.

Captain Lorca never thought of himself as foolish. He always had a plan, no matter what the situation. But now he had nothing. No excuse, no escape route, no safety net and no backup. He was, in a sense, cornered.

"I..." He began, looking down at the pad she had placed on his desk, hoping for some clue as to what she had been talking about. But he knew the jig was up.

"Are you alright, Captain?" Michael asked, genuine concerned clothed her voice.

"I've been a bit... distracted, lately." He wasn't entirely lying.

Michael nodded slowly.

"You're still recovering-"

"No." He interjected. "I feel fine. It would take more than Klingon torture to distract me."

When he said this, he met her eyes on purpose.

 _I wish you just knew,_ he had thought. He maintained the eye contact, waiting for her to break it.

But she didn't.

"No disrespect, Captain, but that's a bold statement." She said and she swallowed.

Gabriel shrugged.

"Why don't you leave this with me and I'll go over it myself." He said reaching out to take the pad just as she reached out herself.

Gabriel gritted his teeth when his hand covered her own. It was soft but cold and smaller than his, his palm practically covered the whole back of her hand.

They both froze. He felt the electric jolt in his gut and at the back of his neck. What did she feel?

When Michael didn't move away he went against his better instincts and all his training and even more importantly, Starfleet regulations. He gently gripped her hand only a fraction but her reaction was not lost on him. He heard the minor intake of air through her mouth, the slight tremble. But was it desire or fear?

Gabriel allowed himself another fraction and with that simple gesture he felt her thumb give him all the answers he needed, for it softly stroked the knuckle of his index finger. It was strange, how erotic and sensual that simple movement could be. How it could bare a thousand different scenarios.

But it wasn't to be. He had to disengage from this. Whatever was happening had to be stopped.

Gabriel began to release her hand, realizing he had moved even closer to her without knowing it.

"Burnham, I'm sorry-"

But it was too late. She had already pushed herself from her stool, relinquished her hand from his own to cup his face and bring his mouth down to hers.

Michael Burnham continued to surprise him.

Instinct told him to take her waist and he did. She applied more pressure to his mouth and he felt her tongue asking to be let in. He pulled away looking deeply into her eyes. Both slightly panting, their breath mingling together.

Michael took her hands from his face but he didn't release her.

"I'm... I should leave." Michael said, her cheeks red and her eyes glistening.

"Yes, you probably should." Gabriel agreed but he couldn't find it in himself to let her go.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and he shook his head.

"Don't be." He assured her.

The silence that followed wasn't awkward, it simply was what it was.

And that's when Gabriel's resolve truly broke.

"To hell with it." He said before kissing her again, this time the way he had been wanting to kiss her.

Desperately and wantonly.

Wrapping her arms round his neck he pulled her to him as she pulled him down. Her mouth tasted as sweet as he imagined, her body felt warm and soft against him, it was only her hands that were cold. She smelled clean and fresh, something in her shampoo had a hint of honey in it.

Gabriel tried to remind himself to gain some self control. This was more than a bad idea, it was career suicide should it get out. Despite how far the human race had come, a sex scandal could still end careers in the blink of an eye.

But as he held Michael to him, as she gripped his biceps tightly in her hands and eagerly accepted his onslaught of affection he stopped caring.

Michael's hands moved to the opening of his jacket, pulling the zipper down far too slowly. He smirked, her strategy admirable. She wanted to torture him then.

He maneuvered her backwards until her back hit the bulkhead and quickly disposed of her own uniform jacket.

"Computer, privacy." He commanded in a husky voice and the sliding door made a irrelevent hiss signaling no one could enter unannounced.

For a moment Gabriel only looked at Michael, rubbing her cheek in small circles with his thumb, his free hand on her hip wear the soft skin of her stomach was becoming exposed. They both breathed slowly, holding one another and caressing each other. It was an unfamiliar feeling for Gabriel, did she realize the effect her hands had on him?

Lifting his hand in her own she broke the intensity of their eye contact to press her mouth to his hand, desperate, as if she had been longing for him as he had for her.

The sweetness and girlishness of the act was not lost on Gabriel. Inside he felt honored she would bestow such a sweet gesture upon himself.

And that's when Gabriel knew he couldn't go through with what they both wanted.

Instead he pressed her hand to his chest, over his heart and wrapped an arm around her waist, gently swaying them.

"Computer, play Lorca 431." He gently commanded.

Within moments a flighty, soft and gentle tune filled the air. It wasn't the original song and from her encyclopedia brain Michael determined what song it was.

 _Wise men say, only fools rush in_

 _But I can't help falling in love with you..._

The tune was ethereal, comforting and felt more like a song for lovers than it ever had before.

"What are we?" Michael whispered over the music and into his chest. Resting his chin on the top of her head and he shrugged.

"I don't know." He simply answered. "I didn't know Vulcans could dance."

Gabriel felt Michael smile.

"I'm not Vulcan." She replied smartly.

Looking down at her and into her beautiful dark eyes, the strange birthmark that speckled her left, he smiled.

"No, no you are not."

They both knew this wouldn't last forever, the song was already almost over. They both sensed it and tighter they held to each other for fear the other might disappear when the music stopped.

"Michael..." But she shushed him.

"I know." She said sadly. "Just hold me."

When the song ended, the lights returned to normal, the privacy setting on the door was lifted and Michael Burnham took her pad and took her leave of the Captain's ready room.

And now, one week later, Captain Lorca read and reread the encrypted message over and over again. It had a date and time but who it was from would've been a mystery to the untrained eye. He knew who it was from.

So, at midnight, when his duties were done he requested a site to site transport to Michael Burnham's quarters. Her roommate was on the night shift.

Michael still wore her uniform, but instead of her usual commanding presence she exerted while on duty the softness of her off duty appearance won over.

Gabriel Lorca took a step towards her and she extended her hand.

 _Take my hand_

 _Take my whole life too_

 _For I can't help_

 _Falling in love with you..._

 **(AN:** The version of the song Falling in Love With You is the cover by Fleet Foxes, by far the best cover I've ever heard! **)**


End file.
